Respect and it’s Repercussions

It’s strange how, for some people, the moment they step onto a plane, common decency seems to go out the window.

On a recent flight, I watched a young man angrily shout at an elderly woman because she was sitting in his seat. It reminded me of another flight, where I witnessed an older man treat someone who was different from him with shocking disgust.

But I’ve also seen something very different.

I’ve watched a man kindly help a woman with her luggage. I’ve seen men patiently wait while a woman gathered her belongings before disembarking.

And it got me thinking…

Can you guess which men earned my respect, and which ones didn’t?

It certainly wasn’t the men who were the loudest, strongest, or most demanding.

It was the ones who chose kindness, patience and respect when they had every opportunity to do otherwise.

Because character isn’t revealed by how we treat people who can do something for us. It’s revealed by how we treat people when there’s nothing to gain.

I love how God addresses this over and over again in His Word. The idea of considering others above ourselves is woven throughout Scripture.

I especially love how Proverbs speaks about men of upstanding character, whose godliness is evident not just in what they believe, but in how they conduct themselves. In Proverbs 31:8, King Lemuel – whose name means devoted to God, how amazing! – says the following to Kings (which, considering that you are Christian, is you): “Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute.”

A true godly man doesn’t use his strength to dominate others. He uses it to protect, serve and honour them. He notices the person who is overlooked. He makes room for the vulnerable. He speaks up for those who cannot speak for themselves. A man with character treats people with dignity and respect, not because of what they can offer him, but because of who they are.

Now, I am sure, that up to this point, you would totally agree.

Yet, for some reason, when it comes to marriage, even in Christian households, respect often also goes out the window. There is even a Christian book that essentially teaches that husbands need respect but wives need love.

{Side note: with all literature, ‘eat the meat and spit out the bones’. God can use a book to highlight an area in our lives that need attention but it is dangerous to build an entire theology around one verse of Scripture. So be wary of that when reading any book or listening to any podcast. A whole bible theology is a healthy theology.}

“But Liezl, husband needs more respect than wives.”

Not true.

Everyone wants to be respected. We all seek it desperately.

Some people – especially men, let’s just be honest here – are naturally equipped with abilities that can make it easier to enforce respect. Think of a dictator who demands respect through control or fear. Think of the school bully. We all know what it feels like to be in a situation where we were expected to respect someone, even though they had done nothing to earn it.

But true respect cannot be demanded. It’s modelled.

Want to be respected? Respect another.

Wondering what respecting your spouse looks like? (From a wife’s perspective.)

Here’s a few ideas to try:

1. Please and thank you should be part of your normal conversation with each other.
2. Tell her where you’re going. Don’t just walk out of the house to run an errand.
3. Respect her privacy in the bathroom. Knock first. Please. 😂
4. When you’re together somewhere, wait for her and walk with her—not ten metres ahead of her as though she’s a stray dog you’re trying to lose. And what is with the airport disrespect? C’mon, gentlemen! We wives hate feeling like toddlers playing catch-up. We all know you can sprint to the check-in counter at record speed. There’s a reason women don’t compete against men in athletics. 😂
5. Open the car door, front door, all doors… at the very least when going on a date. And wait for her to go through first.
6. Let her order first at a restaurant.
7. Kiss her goodbye in the mornings when you leave. Even when you’re still mad at each other from last night’s argument and she’s pretending to be asleep.

See, chivalry… the very things that may have helped make her say yes in the first place? Keep doing it.

This is showing respect. It’s pretty simple.

And the repercussions? The payoff? Worth it!

When a woman is consistently treated with respect, consideration and honour, something beautiful happens: she develops a deep admiration for the man who treats her that way.

A woman who feels valued is far more likely to speak highly of her husband, trust his leadership, support him wholeheartedly and delight in honouring him in return.

Respect is not a transaction of “I’ll respect you if you respect me.” But there is a beautiful reciprocity that happens when two people continually choose to honour one another.

Gentleness invites gentleness. Honour invites honour. Kindness softens hearts.

So, gentlemen, don’t underestimate the power of the small things. The open door. The waiting. The thank you. The kiss goodbye. The way you make her feel seen, safe and valued is found in the little things.

It pays off.

Treat her with honour, and you may just find that her respect for you grows deeper than you ever imagined.

There are few things more attractive to a woman than a man she can genuinely admire.

And even more beautifully, in a Christ-centered community, husbands and wives, men and women are continually being transformed into the likeness of Christ – becoming more gentle, more patient, more selfless, more honouring.

If you’re not part of a community where mutual respect is modelled, I’d say find one and get into it. We become like the people we surround ourselves with. Find a community where husbands honour their wives, wives honour their husbands, and both are continually becoming more like Christ. Because we are all a work in progress and we do tend to forget things!

And to the single ladies, I am happy to say that there are still Godly single gentlemen who show this kind of respect.

So here’s to the gentlemen who respect and honour us: thank you! We respect and honour you, too. And we appreciate you very very much, dear brothers in Christ. Words fail to express. Your commitment to honouring others is not weakness. It is fierce spiritual warfare.

And yes, my husband is my number one example of a gentleman. I am still completely smitten by his kindness, thoughtfulness and consideration towards me.

It’s these kind of things that still takes my breath away. I admire him greatly, not so much for his broad shoulders and handsome smile (there is that), but for this!! Salute!